In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
