Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
