My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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