they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
