Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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