I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
