doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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