The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
