Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize