no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
