shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
me + whiskey = a bad person
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
