saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
