he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
