My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
