I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
