So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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