I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
