I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
