I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
