i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
And then he peed in my hair
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