I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
