i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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