It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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