That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
