are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
