so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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