The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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