If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
