When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
