I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your penis caused this!
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