i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
