he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
