I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
