I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
