marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
