Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
