This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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