Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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