Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
