At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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