I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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