May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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