I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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