You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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