Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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