dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
