I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
