i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
