Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
