i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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