woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
