I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
