he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize