I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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