I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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