Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
