Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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