You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
