oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
