woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
