his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
