Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
