Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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