I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
