just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We have so much sex to catch up on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
