Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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