I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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