Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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