You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
