I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
